WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST......SCRAMBLED EGGS AND TEARS

Kids are buttholes. That’s right, I said it; kids are buttholes. They don’t mean to be buttholes, necessarily, it’s just that they don’t know any better. They are so wrapped up in their own existence and naivety about the world that they don’t realize that the shit they say and do sucks sometimes; it sucks big time.

I’m a full time, single, working mom of two kids, aged almost 11 and almost 9, and I am almost losing my mind.  They are still young and dumb enough that they make the most disastrous messes. Well what they call “experiments”; what? like an experiment in how much glitter, glue and wet toilet paper it takes to make mommy garble her words in frustration?  They recently made “stress” balls with balloons and corn starch and sugar. Why do you need stress balls kids!!?? You stressed!? No; I’m stressed. I’m so tired of the mess and the chaos and the fact that the kids are now old enough to have developed the A word…Attitude. They can roll their eyes and talk back, complain about everything and how much their life sucks, and how other kids get to go to Mexico and have parents that volunteer at school everyday and throw elaborate birthday parties and blah, blah, frickin’ stab me in the heart blah.

I’m worn out. Working full time, getting them to daycare and school, never missing school functions or parent teacher interviews.  Making sure they get to dentist and doctor appointments, haircuts, friend’s birthday parties or never go without the things they need such as backpacks, and water bottles and lunch kits and five pairs of shoes and snow pants a year, and pant pants, and hoodies and socks (like a million pairs of socks), and jackets and 25 pairs of gloves…. the list literally goes on forever. Making sure I find the money for school field trips, bus passes, hot lunch, book fairs, birthday parties, year books, art or cooking classes, movies, dental bills, and every other thing big or small that comes up.  Scrambling at the last minute because they forgot they needed a random list of materials for a school project, helping them with homework, after dinner, when I’m so tired I can barely count to 10, or choosing to risk being late for work because they are in tears and need to finish a school project, they didn’t mention, in the morning.

Yes this sounds an awful lot like I’m whining; maybe I am. It’s not like this isn’t the life of any parent, single or not, out there. And don't get me wrong, I do love being there for them, I do. I’m their mom; they count on me to take care of everything for them and I am proud and grateful that I am able to do so. And I don’t get to fail, yet they occasionally treat me like that’s exactly what I’m doing; failing.  We are constantly on a teeter-totter with one end being “You’re the best mom in the world” and the other being “You’re the worst mom in the world”. Which way the teeter-totter tips is up in the air every single day.  You’re trying to stay balanced every single day and it’s exhausting.

I often feel like I can’t keep up. Not with the housework, the parenting challenges, or the mess of home and life and work etc. It’s just so much.

This morning I took my breakfast into my room, locked my door and cried while I ate my scrambled eggs (which were delicious despite the kids telling me how disgusting they looked....and which they reheated later and said "man these are delicious").  I’m feeling weak and tired and like I’m doing everything wrong. It’s getting harder and harder every day as they get older and bigger. What if by the time they’re teenagers they are like…the worst humans ever? What if I can’t do it.

Do I actually think they will be the worst humans ever? No. Do I actually think I can’t do it? No. But there are those moments, those moments like this morning, when I’m like Superman under the influence of Kryptonite; you're still a super hero but your powers have been critically compromised.

So why the departure from my usual positive, uplifting stuff? Because all of this is true (as is the positive, uplifting stuff). And if it’s true for me I know it’s true for someone else out there. Some other tired mom or dad could be crying over their scrambled eggs right now.

One thing I get is that sometimes, as single parents or any parent, we just need to be heard by other people who get it. We don’t need anyone to necessarily give us advice, or to help make it better or to say “chin up, you’re doing great and everything will be okay.” (Don’t get me wrong all those things are fantastic). Sometimes all we need is to vent to our tribe so that the tribe members will know that they are not alone; that someone out there gets exactly what they are going through.

So while yes my breakfast was made up of scrambled eggs and tears and I did succumb to life kryptonite….probably better known as “craptonite”….. that is not how this day is going to go. I’m going to literally deal with the crap (because the dog is old and poops on the carpet to add to the fun) and turn this day around…because I’m superman….but more like supermom…but not actually a super mom because I’m not perfect…more like………..”Sort of so-so, occasionally super, sometimes disappointing, never giving up mom!”………That’s not going to fit on a costume is it?

Hang in there tribe….I think we’re going to be okay.